Postage Stamp Chat Board & Stamp Bulletin Board Forum
 

I shot an arrow in the air,
It went I know not where.
I shot another arrow in the air -
I lost hundreds of arrows that way!

An excellent insult I heard from a bloke directed at his wife:

There's a vacancy at Disneyland for a Killjoy.

You should apply.

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." Count Tallyrand

And Mark Twain insulting himself quite eloquently: "Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing."

One of my favorite quotes, although not an insult to any one person in particular, is actually an insult to an entire movement.

"Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition." Timothy Leary



And a true story to prove that even today, people can surprise you with the creativity of their insults:

One night at my local bar (pub) there was a woman who was very drunk, and began insulting the way I was dressed (very conservatively as I had come from work). She was an obnoxious stranger, while I was a respected regular, so I didn't have to do anything but ignore her while others warned her off.

It isn't fun to be picked on by anyone though, so I was a little upset.

A dear friend, who was a bit intoxicated came over to me and slurred, "What's she gonna do?" I told him I wasn't worried, it just hurt my feelings. He drunkenly insisted, "What's she gonna do?" I told him I didn't understand what he meant. He took me by the shoulders, and looked me in the eyes, and slurred with a perfectly straight face,

"What's she gonna do when the baboon wants its face back?"

I have never laughed so hard in my entire life.

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-------kriszick
"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."

You remind me of a recent APTA dealer

I am not quite sure how to take that comment Mr. Philanthropist. Can you explain?

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-------kriszick
"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."

I too laughed my head off at your baboon joke.

I tried to come up with an original. A search of Stamps Boards will enlighten.
Regards

An effective and original insult Mr. Philanthropist, since I thought it was directed at me, and I was insulted!

Glad you liked the baboon joke (an honest to goodness TRUE story)

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-------kriszick
"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."

Oh no, not directed at you. I overlooked that possiblity ( blame the Rose wine.)
My apologies for any misunderstanding
The barb of the arrow was to land elsewhere.

It is just a throw away line, to be quoted in isolation.
And shows how hard it is to come up with a line....that equals those previously used here.

....."You remind me of a recent APTA dealer."

This is a quote from someone insulting an aristocratic family in the 19th century.

"The general mediocrity of intelligence the family displayed was only varied by instances of quite exceptional stupidity"

Love it!

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It's good to shoot the breeze with like-minded people.

I am surprised there have been no Samuel Johnson quotes:

Lady: That Mr Johnson smells.
SJ: Yes, through my nose. You, however, stink.


"Oats: a grain which in England is generally given to horses, but in Scotland supports the people"

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If it erupts, don't blame me!!

Dorothy Parker was one of my favourites also. Writing a music review she wrote:
Last night, the New York Symphony played Mozart. Mozart lost.

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I'm John. I collect Italian, particularly the Mussolini years.

Your stamp collection would be really improved if you stored it in one of those cheap Asian made stockbooks

Ouch!

Go easy on the "cheap" though....we're classy around here

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FORESTS OLD, PASTURES NEW
(An expert is one who knows more and more, about less and less)

He said you didn't have the brains of a half-wit but I stood up for you. I said you did.

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I'm John. I collect Italian, particularly the Mussolini years.

You remind me very much of an old girl friend that I once dated.
Would you mind undressing, so that I can be sure?

What local insults lack in polish, they compensate for in imagery.

'the older the crab, the tougher the claws'

'his face caught fire, and they tried to put it out with a fork'

'so hunch-backed she needed a wheel on her nose to make the turns'

'so ugly his face would stop a clock'

'your back-side looks like two pigs in a bag'

'he'd skin a flea for its hide and tallow'

'they're like lobsters in a pot - if one tries to get out, the rest will haul him back in'

When I invited you around for dinner, I expected that you would bring your wife, not your mother.... Oh, I see that you did.
Now hiding in the broom closet

With your mean nature, I had always assumed that your feet were cloven hoofed.

You are the living proof of Darwin's theory, that we are all the descendants of reptiles.

I lied! I lied!! I'd forgotten Margot Asquith.

"He could not see a belt without hitting below it."

"[insert name here] has a brilliant mind, until it is made up."

"Very clever, but don't let your brains go to your head."

"No, the 'T' is silent, as in Harlow."

"Your modesty amounts to a deformity."

Or, what about F.D.R.'s daughter:

"If you can't say anything good about somebody, sit right down here beside me."

"He looks as if he was weaned on a pickle."

"Oh, yes! The little man on the wedding cake."

"The Trojan mare" (about her own mother!)

But,

my favourite insult (true, or not) at the moment, is one I read recently. From a waiter in a restaurant;

"My position, sir, does not allow me to argue with you. But if it ever came to a choice of weapons; I would choose grammar."

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FORESTS OLD, PASTURES NEW
(An expert is one who knows more and more, about less and less)

I wouldn't say she was old,but her last job was waitressing at the last supper.....................

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
(Dorothy Parker of course!)

If he wanders off and goes missing, should we request that the poice arrange to have a "missing person photo" printed onto milk cartons,

or just metho bottles

LOL

Reminds me of an elderly lady I knew who was out of action with the flu for two weeks. After 3 days the local bottleshop rang her to see if she was OK...true story!

If brains were chocolate he wouldn't have enough to fill a smartie.

This is one of the best threads (on any board) that I have ever read! Laughed til I cried

Some more insults and toxic quips. I don't have my dictionary of quotes with me so its all from the memory, unfortunately. So can't attribute quotes to authors.

She only smokes after sex and is down to a packet a day.

Nappies and politicians should be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

Has a face like a beaten favorite.

Who cut your hair, the Council.

So ugly they had an afterbirth certificate.

Isn't it about time your parents were formally introduced.

Cheers all

Phil

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Collecting Australian stamp material only. Have other countries to sell or trade.

I went out for dinner the other night.
It annoyed me greatly to see a couple there, with their 15 year old daughter.
Imagine allowing her to text and smoke cigarettes, in front of her two children.

Noel Coward was the master of the insult

On a boy who had not worn any underpants under his tights "Could someone please tell him to remove that Rockingham tea service from his pants".

Oscar Wide Again, from a 2000 Irish Miniature sheet.

"I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train"

"Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes"

"It is perfectly monstrous the way people go about nowadays saying against one, behind one's back, that are absolutely and entirely true"

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I collect Malta, Ireland, Malta, Tristan da Cunha, Malta, various Pacific Islands, Malta, New Zealand, Malta, Australia and Malta.

And oldy but a goody.

All fur coat and no bloomers.

I have forgotten the male equivalent, so please post if you know.

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Collecting Australian stamp material only. Have other countries to sell or trade.

Just remembered all

All suit and no family

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Collecting Australian stamp material only. Have other countries to sell or trade.

You are as useful as a chocolate fire guard.

If your brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow yourself up.

Is it true that you had to have your tail docked before you were allowed to start school?

A funny one I heard of a 1988 Kiwi Movie called "Never say die" featuring Temuera Morrison (Jake the Mus)

If bullsxxt was music, you would be a brass band.

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I collect Malta, Ireland, Malta, Tristan da Cunha, Malta, various Pacific Islands, Malta, New Zealand, Malta, Australia and Malta.

I haven't been on this Board very long, but I believe a disclaimer regarding "if one is drinking a beverage one should stop while reading the following thread" should be the first post on all of these comical threads!

My poor keyboard....

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Be Safe!
Andy Z.

Before telling an Irishman to go into the corner, and to sit on his stool,
it is wise to recall that "stool" has more than one meaning

"The Laboratory just called; your brain's ready."

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FORESTS OLD, PASTURES NEW
(An expert is one who knows more and more, about less and less)

These are great!

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Be Safe!
Andy Z.

I have a feeling this one comes from the earlier (c.1850-60 era);
"If your brains were gunpowder, you wouldn't have enough to lift your hat."

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FORESTS OLD, PASTURES NEW
(An expert is one who knows more and more, about less and less)

The tests confirm that there is a Neuron in your brain,
but also that it is lonely

Tell me, who has custody of the family brain-cell this week?