There is palpable sense of panic slowly developing in London. Each Brit consumes 110 toilet rolls a year—two and half time the European average. The United Kingdom is Europe’s biggest importer of loo paper and it is said that only one day’s supply of toilet paper exists in stock.
If Britain leaves the EU Customs Union and Single Market in five months’ time and the trucks transporting toilet paper are held up at Calais or Dover, British bottoms will have to be wiped with torn-up newspapers as in bygone days.
Some 1,300 trucks carrying goods from the continent arrive every day just for the giant German-owned low-cost supermarket chain Lidl. Airbus imports a million components on a just-in-time basis, as do all U.K. automobile manufacturers.
Britain’s economy is now completely integrated in terms of supply and transport into the rest of Europe. There are no more checks and controls on goods, people, toilet rolls, or components going between the continent and Britain than there are on goods or people moving from California to Oregon.
The handling of Brexit by Prime Minister Theresa May has been such a disaster that the chances of a major economic crash are now high. A number of ministries have made very clear that preparations have to start now to deal with the possibility of a no-deal crash-out Brexit.
This sense of panic—the highways of Kent in southern England becoming parking lots for trucks with toilets and canteens, manufacturing firms told to stockpile food, medicine, or components, and Eurotunnel slowing to snail’s pace for the 4,500 trucks using it every day as each fills in customs forms—helps to persuade public opinion and MPs that a no-deal Brexit would be very bad indeed.
The German auto firm BMW is very frightened of losing just-in-time trucks coming in to British BMW plants through the tunnel without any checks, as if they were driving from Munich to Hamburg.
Another aspect is that if any made-in-U.K. components (car engines) are shipped to Bavaria to be put into BMW cars, then the total value of the EU content in the finished car will be quite low. So the cars could not be exported outside Europe on the current basis of existing trade agreements that the European Union has with 70 countries, and could face extra tariffs.
So every day there is more pressure from business to avoid a no-deal Brexit. But this business pressure is not making front-page news, nor is it on TV — it is conversations with ministers and inside business-page stories.
2.5 loo rolls a week AVERAGE for every man woman and child (and I pray they use diapers on kids - so THREE rolls a person a week???) is of course likely due to the national diet of Chip Butties and weak warm beer, but this is a looming crisis, it seems sure.
Maybe they also deep fry loo paper in greasy oil, and eat it as a ''healthy'' snack - like Brittadams?
At Heathrow the drug detector and money detector dogs will be replaced with LOO PAPER decorator sniffing dogs!
Australians will no longer need to mail over 100,000s of Food Parcels as we did for 7 years after WW2 to keep the heavily rationed English eating, but will now need to switch over to LOO ROLL EXPRESS mail.