Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

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73. A book fell on my head the other day. I only have my shelf to blame though.
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74. Communist jokes aren’t funny unless everyone gets them.
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75. Geology rocks, but geography’s where it’s at.
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76. I buy all my guns from a guy called T-Rex. He’s a small arms dealer.
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77. My friend’s bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.
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78. Four fonts walk into a bar. The bartender says, ‘Hey! We don’t want your type in here!’
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79. If you don’t pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?
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80. When the cannibal showed up late to the buffet, they gave him the cold shoulder.
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81. A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three. He says, ‘Uno, dos…” and poof! He disappeared without a tres.
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82. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
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83. A ghost walked into a bar and ordered a shot of vodka. The bartender said, ‘Sorry, we don’t serve spirits here.’
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84. The man who invented knock-knock jokes should get a no bell prize.
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85. I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it’s also terrible.
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86. A blind man walked into a bar… and a table… and a chair…
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87. A Freudian slip is when you mean one thing and mean your mother.
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88. I went to a seafood disco last week, but ended up pulling a mussel.
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89. The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself, ‘This changes everything.’
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90. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
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91. I saw a sign the other day that said, ‘Watch for children,’ and I thought, ‘That sounds like a fair trade.’
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92. Whiteboards are remarkable.
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93. I threw a boomerang a couple years ago; I know live in constant fear.
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94. I put my grandma on speed dial the other day. I call it insta-gram.
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95. I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
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96. ‘I have a split personality,’ said Tom, being Frank.
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97. My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate so much. I told them, “Just you wait!”
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98. Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.
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99. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side got amputated? He’s all right now.
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100. The man who survived both mustard gas and pepper spray is a seasoned veteran now.
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101. Have you heard about the new restaurant called ‘Karma?’ There’s no menu you just get what you deserve! :lol:
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Each year, a lawyer takes his holidays at an out of the way, country hotel.
With each visit, he continues his affair with the hotel owner’s daughter.
On his visit this year he finds out she has given birth to twin boys.
“Why on earth didn’t you tell me?” said the astonished lawyer.
“You know I would have married you and provided for the babies.”
The woman replied, “That may be so. But when I told my parents I was pregnant, we talked over the options and decided it was far better to have a couple of bastards in the family than a lawyer".
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Brendan: Where do sharks go on summer vacation?
Jordan: Where?
Brendan: Finland!
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A book never written: “Where to Stay on Vacation” by Moe Tell.
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Erik: Why did the robot go on summer vacation?
Sarah: I haven’t a clue.
Erik: He needed to recharge his batteries.
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Mike: Why don’t mummies go on summer vacation?
Hank: I don’t know.
Mike: They’re afraid to relax and unwind!
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Elaine: Where do eggs go on summer vacation?
Peter: I don’t know.
Elaine: New Yolk City!
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First woman: My son came to visit for summer vacation.
Second woman: How nice! Did you meet him at the airport?
First woman: Oh, no. I’ve known him for years!
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Ben: Where do goldfish go on vacation?
Bob: Where?
Ben: Around the globe!
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A book never written: “Vacations Are So Expensive” by Seymour Foreles.
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Jacob: Why can’t basketball players go on summer vacation?
Riley: Why not?
Jacob: They’d get called for traveling!
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Jake: What did the bread do on vacation?
Drake: What?
Jake: It loafed around.
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Billy: Where did Tarzan go on summer vacation?
Ian: Where?
Billy: Hollywood and Vine.
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Teacher: Johnny, please use the words “letter carrier” in a sentence.
Johnny: Yes, ma’am. “My dad said that after seeing how many things my mom was bringing on vacation, he would rather letter carrier own luggage.”
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First dog: Where do fleas go for summer vacation?
Second dog: Search me!
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Spencer: What summer vacation destination makes your pet bird sing for joy?
Brian: I haven’t a clue.
Spencer: The Canary Islands!
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Stephan: Where did the sheep go on vacation?
Michael: Where?
Stephan: The Baa-hamas!
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Herb: Where do bananas go on holidays?
Olive: Don't know.
Herb: To the Bananahamas
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Bob: What’s gray, has four legs and a trunk?
Jim: An elephant.
Bob: No, a mouse on vacation.
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Monica: Where did your mom go for her summer vacation?
Josh: Alaska.
Monica: Never mind, I’ll ask her myself.
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Charles: Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?
Ray: Why?
Charles: To make up for his miserable summer.
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Liz: Where do ants go for vacation?
Lorna: Where?
Liz: Frants
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