Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Discussion of anything you like. Sport, stamps, politics, religion, weather, world disasters, news articles - whatever. Things generally NOT stamp related belong in here. Please keep it CIVIL and polite though! We encourage lively discussion on all things.

Moderators: gmoney, Volunteer Moderator Team

Post Reply
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

Some cavalry soldiers are pinned down by a bunch of Indians.
The Major yells to the Sergeant, "Sergeant, I don't like the sound of those drums!" one of the Indians hollers, "He's not our regular drummer!"
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

How do you defeat Polish cavalry?
Turn off the merry-go-round
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

There were once three square kingdoms on different sides of a triangular river.
One night, the king of the first kingdom invited all the people of all three kingdoms over to the castle to celebrate his daughter’s 18th birthday. All the people of the kingdoms were enjoying themselves, until an argument between the three kings broke out between whose daughter was the most beautiful. The conflict escalated until all the people were forced to leave and a war was planned.

The first kingdom had a massive army of well trained soldiers and cavalry. They were so confident they would win the war for their princess that they threw a massive celebration feast the night before. All the soldiers and squires drank and drank until they all were blackout drunk.

The second kingdom had a relatively strong army, but were not as good as the first. They had less soldiers and almost no cavalry. But still, they were very confident and partied all night, and, like the first kingdom, all got drunk.

The third kingdom was the poorest. They had one, old knight and one very young squire. They still wanted to feast the night before the war, but since they had almost no food, the hung a noose and raised a pot of beans from it and had a nice dinner. The squire asked the old knight if he thought they had a chance at winning the war. The old knight said he did not expect them to win, but it would be an honorable fight.

The next day, the war was to begin. All the troops from all three kingdoms came together. The soldiers of the first two kingdoms were so hungover from the night before that they could not fight, so when the war began the old knight and squire easily defeated the massive armies of the two other kingdoms! No one believed it, but as it turns out, the high pot and noose was equal to the sum of the other two squares.
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
RogerE
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 54522
Joined: 08 Apr 2019 18:56
Location: WALLSEND, NSW, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by RogerE »

BigSaint wrote: 07 Aug 2022 00:02 My house was robbed last night. The burglars took everything except my soap, shower gel, towels, toothpaste, and mouthwash.
Those dirty bastards.
Odd, my neighbour's house was also robbed last night. The burglars only took his soap, shower gel, towels, toothpaste, and mouthwash.

They made a clean getaway. ;)
User avatar
uncadonego
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 14982
Joined: 25 Sep 2010 14:36
Location: Ontario, Canada

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by uncadonego »

Ha! Touché! :lol:
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

Blind man in a motorboat accident.
I once saw a Blind man and asked him how he went blind. He said "I lost my eyes in a motorboating accident. She didn't tell me that they were pierced."
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

What do you get when you motorboat a woman who breastfeeds?
A milkshake
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

What do you get when you motorboat a woman who breastfeeds?
A milkshake
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

Three Scotsmen are relaxing in a motorboat out on Loch Ness.
Suddenly, they hear a strange rumbling. They look into the water and see a shadowy object moving quickly below them. Just as one of the men begins to speak, the boat is thrown twenty feet above the waterline and capsizes.

"It's the Loch Ness Monster!" they scream. Panicking, the men frantically swim toward shore — and then they hear another rumbling beneath them. They can feel the reverberations of the powerful growl travel through their bodies. The monster is close.

They're paddling for their lives when the creature's massive head rises with a splash from the lake, facing the other direction. The Loch Ness Monster turns to take a look at its prey and stops abruptly, a flash of recognition in its eyes. Then, it speaks.

"Dave!"
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

A fellow was ~~stuck on his rooftop in a flood~~ going about his regular business in the middle of a pandemic. He was praying to God ~~for help~~ to keep him safe.

Soon a man ~~in a rowboat~~ with a Pfizer vaccine came by and the fellow shouted to the man, "~~Jump in~~Roll up your sleeve, I can save you."

The fellow shouted back, "No, it's OK, I'm praying to God and he is going to ~~save me~~ keep me safe."

So the ~~rowboat~~ man with a Pfizer vaccine went on.

Then a ~~motorboat~~ man with a Moderna vaccine came by.
The man shouted, "~~Jump in~~ Roll up your sleeve! I can save you."

To this the first man said, "No thanks, I'm praying to God and he is going to ~~save me~~ keep me safe. I have faith."

So the ~~motorboat~~ man with a Moderna vaccine went on.

Then a ~~helicopter~~ man with a J&J vaccine came by and ~~the pilot~~ shouted down, "~~Grab this rope and I will lift you to safety.~~ Roll up your sleeve! I can save you."

To this the first man again replied, "No thanks, I'm praying to God and he is going to ~~save me~~ keep me safe. I have faith."

So the ~~helicopter~~ man with the J&J vaccine reluctantly went away.

Soon the ~~water rose above the rooftop and the man drowned~~ man contracted the deadly virus and died, despite the best medical care. He went to Heaven. He finally got his chance to discuss this whole situation with God, at which point he exclaimed, "I had faith in you but you didn't save me, you let me ~~drown~~ die. I don't understand why!"

To this God replied, "I sent you ~~a rowboat and a motorboat and a helicopter~~ three different vaccines! What more did you expect?"
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

3 blondes are stuck on a river bank and can't cross it. They find a bottle in the sand, and as they open it, a genie pops out.

"I will promise you 3 wishes. Pick carefully." Says the genie.

"I want a boat." Says the first one. The genie grants her wish, but the river current is too powerful and she drifts away to her death.

"I want a motorboat." Announces the second blonde. However, it had no fuel. Off she goes to die.

"I want black hair." Says the third one, and then she crosses the bridge.
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

What do you call a boat full of mean potatoes?
A dictatorship
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn’t a fjord a new one.
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

My neighbor got a boat, so I had to get one, too.
I couldn't resist the pier pressure.
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

What does Mike Tyson do when his boat starts leaking?
First, he thinks for a while...

Then he dethides to thwim.
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

Do you need a boat of biblical proportions built?
Because I Noah guy. I hear he's a fantastic Arkitect.
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

How do Boats like their drinks?
On the docks.
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

3 Men on a boat.. .
They have 4 cigarettes but no lighter. So they throw one cigarette away, and become 1 cigarette lighter.
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

God: Noah, it’s time to build another boat.
Noah: Oh, so soon! But hey, you are the boss. So the same, animals, two by two?

God: Actually no. We forgot the fish last time so this time this will be just for the fish.

God (again): Also, build it with more than one deck.

Noah: Big boat, only fish and several levels. Got it boss!

God: And another thing. Not just any fish. I want only Carp on the new boat.

Noah: So, let me get this right God.

You want a "Multi Storey
Carp Ark!"....
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

Four doctors are sitting in a boat in the reeds, duck hunting.
The family practitioner spots a flock of fowl flying overhead, turns to the specialist and says: "I think those are ducks. I need a second opinion."

The specialist says: "I can schedule you in for a consult in two months."

The surgeon picks up his shotgun. BLAM-BLAM-BLAM!!! Three of the birds fall down into the water. He turns to the pathologist and says: "Run a test on them, will you, and see if they're ducks."
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

Why did the sailor avoid the store with a big sale on boating supplies?
It was an oar deal
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

Why does a Ferry Boat never get Sick?
Because it’s always going to the Dock.
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

Have you ever had the theme from "The Love Boat" stuck in your head?
Now you have. You're welcome.
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

What does the ocean do when it sees a boat?
It just waves.
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

My husband told me I could choose the name he'd paint on the back of his new boat with the condition it be nautical themed. So I named it...
For Sail.
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

Jesus and Moses are relaxing on a boat and talking about the good old days.
The subject of miracles comes up, and they decide to see if they can still perform them.

"It's been almost 4000 years since I did this one" Moses says, then raises his arms. The water parts, revealing the floor of the lake.

Jesus claps His hands and says "Good one! It's only been about 2000 years since I did this" and steps off the boat onto the water, and sinks into the lake.

Moses parts the water and throws a line down to the soaking wet Jesus, and helps Him back onto the boat.

Jesus says "That was embarrassing. I guess I need to clear my mind and focus." Jesus closes His eyes, takes a deep, slow breath, then steps off the boat again. Again He sinks to the bottom of the lake.

Moses parts the water and helps Jesus up again. Moses says "Hey, maybe we should just head back and You can try again tomorrow" but Jesus says "No, I can do this." He mouths a silent prayer, winks at the sky, and again sinks when He steps off the boat.

Moses parts the water a third time and helps Jesus up. Jesus looks shaken and looks at His feet, then smiles.

"I know what's wrong now. Last time I didn't have these damn holes in my feet."
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

I went on a cruise once, and we were hit by a gigantic wave, and the boat sank.
I woke up on a sugar sand beach, with gigantic cotton candy clouds filling the sky, and the sea glistened under the setting sun like a pool of honey, next to me was a volleyball that looked like a marshmallow. Towering above me was a gigantic volcano that looked like an upside down ice cream cone.r>
It was then that my worst fears were realized, that I was trapped on a dessert Island.
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

Three shipwreck survivors were on a life boat
After several weeks stranded at sea, they'd nearly run through their supplies. Now that they were down to a single can of ham, they decided that to have the best shot of one of them surviving, the ham should go to the person who still held the most hope. So, they decided that they would all go to sleep that night, and whoever had the most pleasant dream would get the can of ham.


The next morning, all three awoke. The first survivor said, "I dreamed that I died in my sleep, and went to the gates of heaven. The gates were made of gold and pearls, as magnificent as anything I've ever seen. Then the gates swung open for me, and I was greeted by Saint Peter and a choir of 100 angels."

The second survivor said, "I also dreamed that I died in my sleep, and went to the gates of heaven. They were made of platinum and diamonds, ten times as magnificent as anything I've ever seen. Then, the gates swung open for me, and I was greeted by Jesus, and an orchestra of 1000 angels."

They looked to the third survivor, who sat silent for a few seconds. "I dreamed that you two died in your sleep and I ate the ham."
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

If your rowing boat turns upside down, you can wear it as a hat..
It's capsized.
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

Why did the ancient philosopher build 2 spots to park his boat?
We’ll never know, it’s a paradox.
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

why does the new Polish navy have glass-bottomed boats?
So they can see the old Polish navy
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

Why did the Scottish chili pepper storage boat keep missing its deliveries?
It kept capsaicin
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

My great-grandfather sunk 7 U-boats during WW2
Some say that he was the most incompetent captain in the Kriegsmarine
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

The President invites the Pope to lunch on a boat. The Pope accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the pontiff's hat off, right into the water. It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just floated in place.
The crew and the Secret Service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Biden waved them off, saying, "Never mind boys, I'll get it."

Then Joe climbed over the side of the yacht, walked on the water to the hat, picked it up,

walked back on the water, climbed into the yacht, and handed the Pope his hat.

The crew was speechless. The security team and the Pope's entourage were speechless. No one knew what to say, not even the Pope.

But that afternoon, ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, MSNBC reported:

"BIDEN CAN'T SWIM"
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

H. Clinton and D. Trump are In a boat and the boat sprung a leak. Who is saved?
The world
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

The New York Times just contracted me to row a boat for a upcoming story.
I'm the Times's new Row-man
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

I'm sorry to hear your uncle was run over by a boat in Venice. .
My gondolences
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

A blonde is in a wheat field attempting to row a small boat.
### A blonde is in a wheat field attempting to row a small boat.

A blonde is in a wheat field attempting to row a small boat.


Another two blondes drive past and see her struggling.


The driver says “look at that idiot! She gives smart blondes like us a bad name!” >

The other blonde says “I know right! If only I could swim I’d go out there and kick her ass!”
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

Why did the chess master throw up on the boat?
He got c6.
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

I bought a sail for my boat on Amazon the other day. Today it dawned on me that it's not the right size so I called to cancel. They said it's too late.
That sail has shipped.
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

Boat rental manager over loudspeaker: boat number 81, your two hour rental period is up, please return to the dock.
Boat rental intern to manager: uh, sir, we only have 60 boats.

Boat rental manager over loudspeaker: boat number 18, do you require assistance?
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

Before my operation, the anaesthesiologists asked if I wanted to be knocked out via gas or boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

Boat repair
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I just had a new winch installed on my boat today," the guy tells the bartender. "Ship just got reel."
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

My boss said he races boats
So I said, “Wow, you must be a fast swimmer!”
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

Why did the Second Italian Navy have glass bottom boats?
So they could see the First Italian Navy
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

What do you call an android that was designed specifically to move a small wooden boat around?
A row-bot.
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

I think we can arrange races between boats and marine mammals to fund marine mammal protection charities...
Or would thy defeat the porpoise?
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

My parents made a decent living as fisherman even though they could only afford a boat made of balsa wood.
They didn't have real hardship.
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of the boat.
Because if they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat.
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
User avatar
BigSaint
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
WINNER! Stampboards Poster Of The Month
Posts: 103940
Joined: 16 Nov 2012 11:26
Location: Cheltenham, Australia

Re: Funny Jokes - SLIGHTLY *Broad Minded* readers only please

Post by BigSaint »

I got a boat for my wife.
Best trade I've ever made.
Specialist Collector of World Horse Racing Covers, Melbourne Cup & Kentucky Derby, & JFK fdcs.
Post Reply

Return to “'The Water Cooler' - A relaxing and FUN place to let off some steam ......”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Sargonnas and 2 guests